It's me again

I wake up
it's dark
my fist is numb
my heart is thumping against my chest
my body is lame
my eyes wet
the room is dark
it's spinning

I'm here again
I'm stuck again
I need to find the door
I need to find a window
I need to find a light

It's so dark
it's so sore
It's so small
It's to big

I'm stuck

There is something holding me down
something pressing against my chest
something holding my hands
something pressing onto my legs

I'm paralyzed
my fist is crying
my head is screaming
my heart is thumping

PLEASE HELP
I think
I can see my lips moving
I can see the words hiding

I wake up
alone
sore
only to realise I lost it
I lost you
I broke it
I messed it up

it's me again